Humorous Ambiguity
Humorous ambiguity and other idiosyncracies of the English language
- I went to a bookstore and asked the saleslady , "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose
- If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself - is it considered a hostage situation?
- Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid that someone will clean them?
- If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
- Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
- If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
- What was the best thing before sliced bread
- One nice thing about egotists - they don't talk about other people
- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery
- Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?
- Why are hemorrhoids called 'hemorrhoids' instead of 'assteroids'?
- Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
- Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
- If you spin an Oriental person in a circle three times, do they become disoriented?
- Can an Atheist get insurance against acts of God?
- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize
- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
- How do you tel when you'r out of invisible ink?
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong laneAmbition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy
- I intend to live forever....so far, so good
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
- What happens if you get scared half to death?
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research
- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard
- If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea....does that mean one out of 5 enjoys it?
- Why is a person who plays piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a car is not called a racist?
- If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUp?
- Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it stall called a hearing?
- Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
- If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
- If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
- Atheism is a Non-Prophet organization
- If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
- If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
- Why are a 'wise man' and 'wise guy' opposites?
- If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- How come abbreviated is such a long word?
- If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
- If a cow laughed, would milk out of her nose?
- What disease did 'cured ham' actually have?
- Wouldn't a fly without wings be called ' a walk?
- Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film